I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
