Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
