You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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