I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
