She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
