I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
