May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
