Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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