Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
