You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
