Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
