we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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