i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
