420 ftw
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
