In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
