True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
