3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
50% drunk capacity currently
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
