One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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