I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize