I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
