Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
