Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
