The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
