i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
