You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
