If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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