the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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