What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
