A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize