I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
