you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
