I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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