Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize