she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
