Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
