Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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