I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
