I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
