All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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