What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
