I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
