If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
