Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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