If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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