I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize