the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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