im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
