My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
