sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
