I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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