my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
God, you're like boner-b-gone
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
