Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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