alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
