we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
