Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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