Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
