I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
