So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
