This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
