Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
