I wish I could teleport
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
