I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
