yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
