In the future we'll all be gay
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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