Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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