Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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