hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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