I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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