Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
